2005

The sky opens into a gaping canyon of light
Lifted by a hope greater than gravity I hang on whatever cloud hovers lowest.
My hands seize from the strain, half laughing, half crying
I realize, its too much hope and not enough grace.
The repetition of this life evolves and yet never changes
A new goal, a new demon to carry me back down.
So close I can see it yet it can never be reached.
Is God this cruel or is Satan this clever?
Someone hears my thoughts and preys on my weakness.
It is May 25, 2005. Here I am almost reaching, yet bound by a past I cant leave behind.
The anorexia is yet again in my life. I have lost a little over 30 Ibs since January
Now though people seem to notice, comment, stare asking for my secret to success.
Most tell me how good I look, close friends, and family and my therapist dont agree. But deep down I know they think the same, they just dont agree with how I am doing it(losing weight)
I wonder, can I stop if I get too thin, too thin? AlthoughI feel a little more settled in my body I wont ever really be ok till I shed this skin and transcend to a higher place.